ADD and ADHD couples therapy

The quality of your relationship determines the quality of your life. (Esther Perel)

Recognize this?

The non ADHD partner/ the organised partner:

I have taken on more and more responsibilities.
My partner is fantastic in social situations. But at home…
I live with a child.
I often feel that I am not important.
Criticism is not possible.
Something only seems to arrive, when I raise my voice.
We often end up discussing my tone.
Our relationship is out of balance. I have too much on my plate.
My partner doesn’t seem to listen to what I need.
Everything revolves around my partner.
My partner promises a lot, but often doesn’t deliver.

The ADHD partner:

I can’t do anything right.
The main focus is on the things that I have to do.
My partner often yells at me.
It seems like my partner is the boss of me.
Everything has to be done my partner’s way.
I don’t feel needed by my partner.
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
Any little thing can escalate.
My ideas are never appreciated.

If you recognize yourself in one or more of these statements, you can get a lot out of ADD and ADHD couples therapy.

When we started the sessions with Katelijn I carried a dark cloud over the relationship with me. I had not dared to hope that in such a short time there would be air and trust again! With the right questions and in a nice relaxed atmosphere Katelijn helped us to understand ourselves and each other better.

John DoeRoos and Guido (30+)

Normally I don’t talk about emotions easily. But Katelijn just retrieves the words out of my head.

G.Z., Amsterdam

When ADD and ADHD couples therapy?

ADHD and ADD have a much bigger impact on your relationship than you think. ADHD has many advantages. These advantages come into their own, especially at the beginning of the relationship. If you don‘t know how to deal with ADHD, that can unfortunately change.

Often the person who is more organized, slowly takes on more and more responsibilities. That doesn‘t make either of you happy.

The ADHD partner often wants to change and also promises to do things differently from now on. If that doesn‘t work, it‘s not fun for the ADHD partner. They get frustrated about not being able to do things differently. It is also not fun for the organized partner. They get frustrated because promises are not kept. You quickly get caught up in typical ADHD patterns, in which communication seems to go along the line of attack-and-defend.

You can break these negative spirals. In fact, relationships with ADHD very often get caught up in typical patterns. That is good news. That means we can do something about it quickly and well. Then you can understand and support each other. And the differences between you will become something to appreciate and enjoy again.

Fiets hand in hand | relatietherapiepraktijk amsterdam

We will first investigate what you do and what the effect is on your partner. That already brings a lot of insight and understanding to both of you. Then you will learn how to efficiently communicate what you feel and what you expect. So that your partner hears you and behaves accordingly.

How does it work?

We will first investigate what you do and how that effects your partner. That already brings a lot of insights and understanding to both of you. Then you will learn how to efficiently communicate what you feel and what you expect. So that the other person hears you and behaves accordingly.

Step 1. Research
We are going to listen carefully to both partners. We often quickly get to the heart of the problems. That is already a relief.

Step 2. Clarity & understanding
You learn to convey messages. How do you say it and get to the desired effect. How do I hear what the other person wants to say? You will notice that you will start to receive support instead of opposition.

Step 3. Change
Then it is a small step to actually putting this into practice. Because what feels good, we want more of.

About the therapists

Katelijn van Voorst

In addition to my work as a relationship therapist, I am a lawyer. I know better than anyone the situations in which two parties are diametrically opposed. Each with their own truth. Of which they feel that they are fully within their rights. And are trying to prove their point to the other person. I saw a lot of similarities with relationships and relationship problems and decided to delve into this further. I took coaching trainings in this area and developed into a relationship therapist. And rest assured; In couples therapy, I am nobody’s lawyer and certainly not a judge. I have gained a lot of practical experience in sessions with clients, but also in life. I am divorced, have three children and remarried a partner with three children. In short, I know better than anyone the challenges that life presents in relationships.

But also the relativity of it. I believe that everything is constantly changing. And that you can give direction to this, when you talk, listen, or sometimes do not say anything.

In other words, pantha rei, everything flows.

Laurien Wiegerinck

My wish is that people feel seen and heard with me. With a listening ear and an open heart, I help couples get closer to each other and reconnect.

From a legal and musical background, over the years I have increasingly shifted to the people side. A colleague once said to me: “You are good at solving the human puzzle.”

The basis of my working method is always Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Research shows that EFT is more effective than other forms of relationship therapy in improving relationship quality (source: Johnson et al., 1999).

I live with my two daughters on a floating house in Amsterdam and have a loving bond with my family and friends, my partner and a good relationship with the father of my children.