Couple Therapy in Amsterdam

The quality of your relationship
determines the quality of your life.
(Eshter Perel)

When should we have couples therapy?

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In a relationship, a distant atmosphere can slowly develop. This is often accompanied by bickering and evasive behavior. You can’t understand why your partner acts this way and, even worse: continues to act this way, despite the many conversations dedicated to the subject. Couples therapy can break this seemingly repeating cycle.

People hardly ever have couples therapy if things are still wine and hoses. Rather, they call for help when they’ve tried everything and are pretty hopeless. Even if you feel like it’s already too late, you’ll be amazed at what couples therapy can do for you. But even if it’s actually too late or if it’s just really not in the cards, it may be necessary to part peacefully and get the future relationship doable.

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When we started the sessions with Katelijn I carried a dark cloud over the relationship with me. I had not dared to hope that in such a short time there would be air and trust again! With the right questions and in a nice relaxed atmosphere Katelijn helped us to understand ourselves and each other better.

John DoeRoos and Guido (30+)

Normally I don’t talk about emotions easily. But Katelijn just retrieves the words out of my head.

G.Z., Amsterdam

What can I expect from couples therapy?

A relationship is basically a combination of the behavior of two individuals. We will investigate why one person behaves in a certain way and how that effects the other. This always yields unexpected insights. About your partner, but also about yourself. As a result, both partners will understand what drives one and also what that does to the other. That insight changes how you interact and therefore changes the relationship.

You can therefore expect couples therapy to improve your relationship drastically. Because of the improved understanding of each other, you can expect to feel more supported by your partner. You can also expect to grow as individuals through the new insights in yourself and in your partner.

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Roughly speaking, we take the following steps:

Step 1.

In the first conversation, we often get to the core of the problem.

Step 2.

You are starting to understand and recognize what is going wrong.

Step 3.

You are becoming softer to each other. The connection you had is coming back and getting stronger.

Step 4.

This brings back the fun, the lightness and the attraction.

Step 5.

You get into an upward spiral of trust, safety, love and fun.

Who benefits from couples therapy?

Do you recognize yourself in one or more of the following?

I’m on my own in everything.
My partner is never really there.
I can say a hundred times what’s wrong, my partner just doesn’t want to understand.
My partner only has eyes for his/her work.
My partner doesn’t see my obvious needs.
In this way, I don’t feel like intimacy.
I can’t do anything right.

Every little thing can escalate.
I don’t feel attractive to my partner anymore.
My ideas are never good.
I feel like I’m walking on a minefield.
I mainly get rebuked and criticized.
My partner is sometimes very angry when I have no idea what went wrong.

If you recognize yourself in one or more of these statements, you can gain a lot out in couples therapy.

Will you catch me if I fall?

There are different types of therapies. We will mainly work with the principles of Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT). This therapy has proven to be the most successful in practice.

The reason for the success, is that we do not work with discussion techniques or the like, which you have to use when the argument starts. That often works great once or twice, but very soon the pans are flying through the kitchen again.

With EFT, we assume that everyone has learned to love in the past. If something has gone wrong in that process, it is more difficult to communicate emotions properly and to interpret other people’s emotions properly as well. That causes the negative spiral that everyone is always talking about.

In therapy, you will gain insight into that process. That can be quite confronting, but it also helps you take big steps forward. You learn to correctly interpret your own emotions and those of others. As a result, you will have a better understanding of yourself and each other. The giant escalations will stay away. In fact, will be relearning to love.

This therapy has many advantages over other therapies. For example, we will not look at who is to blame. We also don’t look at who does the most or the least. Any imbalance is certainly discussed, but as a symptom of the problem not the problem itself. And that symptom is improved by the insight described above.

Another advantage is that you can take big steps not only as a couple, but also as a person. As a result, you can expect to be more confident and solid in life. Which in turn has a positive influence on all your relationships with others

FAQ

• What about costs and insurance?
The rate is €155 per session of 1 hour and 15 minutes.

I have experienced therapists at the eind of their couples therapy training. These are significantly more economical. If you are interested, please let me know in the comments field of the contact form.

Unfortunately, relationship therapy is not reimbursed by insurances.

• Can we do a free introduction meeting?
It is extremely important to have a good feeling with your therapist. I invite you to book a first session. If you do not wish to proceed, you do not pay.

• Which couples can go to this practice?
All couples of all orientations and all ages.

• One of us has been unfaithful. Is there anything left to save?
Yes. If either of you has been unfaithful, that is extremely painful. It is also always a sign that something has been going wrong, not necessarily obviously. It can be a reason to end the relationship and probably no one will blame you for that.

However, the relationship belongs to the both of you. You can use this as a wake-up call to investigate what your role has been and how you can improve it. Paradoxically, the relationship can even become better and deeper through the therapy

• We have already decided to part ways. Does couples therapy still make sense?
If there is a reason to break up well and especially to get things peaceful at least, couples therapy still makes sense. After all, the divorced relationship is also a relationship. People often say they would do anything for the children. But if that means that your ex-partner can just keep walking all over you, that turns out to be very difficult. People hardly ever realize that an action that is aimed at the ex-partner, also affects the children. Couples therapy can help to keep that precarious relationship liveable.

Even if you notice that your relationships break down every so many times or if you get the same accusations from every partner, understanding that pattern can be a great investment in your future relationships.

About the therapists

Katelijn van Voorst

In addition to my work as a relationship therapist, I am a lawyer. I know better than anyone the situations in which two parties are diametrically opposed. Each with their own truth. Of which they feel that they are fully within their rights. And are trying to prove their point to the other person. I saw a lot of similarities with relationships and relationship problems and decided to delve into this further. I took coaching trainings in this area and developed into a relationship therapist. And rest assured; In couples therapy, I am nobody’s lawyer and certainly not a judge. I have gained a lot of practical experience in sessions with clients, but also in life. I am divorced, have three children and remarried a partner with three children. In short, I know better than anyone the challenges that life presents in relationships.

But also the relativity of it. I believe that everything is constantly changing. And that you can give direction to this, when you talk, listen, or sometimes do not say anything.

In other words, pantha rei, everything flows.

Laurien Wiegerinck

My wish is that people feel seen and heard with me. With a listening ear and an open heart, I help couples get closer to each other and reconnect.

From a legal and musical background, over the years I have increasingly shifted to the people side. A colleague once said to me: “You are good at solving the human puzzle.”

The basis of my working method is always Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Research shows that EFT is more effective than other forms of relationship therapy in improving relationship quality (source: Johnson et al., 1999).

I live with my two daughters on a floating house in Amsterdam and have a loving bond with my family and friends, my partner and a good relationship with the father of my children.