“Normally, I don’t talk about emotions easily. But Katelijn just fishes the words out of my mind.”
Marriage counseling in Amsterdam
The quality of your relationship
may determine the quality of your life.
G.Z., te Amsterdam
When should we have couples therapy?
In a marriage, a distant atmosphere can slowly develop. This is often accompanied by bickering and evasive behavior. You can’t understand why your partner acts this way and, even worse: continues to act this way, despite the many conversations dedicated to the subject. Marriage counseling can break this seemingly repeating cycle.
People hardly ever have marriage counseling if things are still sunshine and roses. Rather, they call for help when they’ve tried everything and are pretty hopeless. Even if you feel like it’s already too late, you will be amazed at what marriage counseling can do for you.
What can I expect from couples therapy?
A marriage is basically a combination of the behavior of two individuals. We will investigate why one partner behaves in a certain way, and how that effects the other. This always yields unexpected insights. About your partner, but also about yourself. As a result, both partners will understand what drives one and also what that does to the other. That insight changes how you interact and therefore changes the relationship.
You can therefore expect marriage counseling to improve your relationship drastically. Because of the improved understanding of each other, you can expect to feel more supported by your partner. You can also expect to grow as individuals through the new insights in yourself and in your partner.
Roughly speaking, we take the following steps:
Step 1.
In the first sessien, we often get to the core of the problem.Step 2.
You are starting to understand and recognize what is going wrong.Step 3.
You are becoming softer to each other. The connection you had is coming back and getting stronger.Step 4.
This brings back the fun, the lightness and the attraction.Step 5.
You get into an upward spiral of trust, safety, love and fun.Who benefits from couples therapy?
Do you recognize yourself in one or more of the following?
- I’m on my own in everything.
- My partner is never really there.
- I can say a hundred times what’s wrong, my partner just doesn’t want to understand.
- My partner only has eyes for his/her work.
- My partner doesn’t see my obvious needs.
- In this way, I don’t feel like intimacy.
- I can’t do anything right.
- Every little thing can escalate.
- I don’t feel attractive to my partner anymore.
- My ideas are never good.
- I feel like I’m walking on a minefield.
- I mainly get rebuked and criticized.
- My partner is sometimes very angry when I have no idea what went wrong.
Will you catch me if I fall?
There are different types of therapies. We will mainly work with the principles of Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT). This therapy has proven to be the most successful in practice.
The reason for the success, is that we do not work with discussion techniques or the like, which you have to use when the argument starts. That often works great once or twice, but very soon the pans are flying through the kitchen again.
With EFT, we assume that everyone has learned to love in the past. If something has gone wrong in that process, it is more difficult to communicate emotions properly and to interpret other people’s emotions properly as well. That causes the negative spiral that everyone is always talking about.
In therapy, you will gain insight into that process. That can be quite confronting, but it also helps you take big steps forward. You learn to correctly interpret your own emotions and those of your partner. As a result, you will have a better understanding of yourself and each other. The giant escalations will stay away. In fact, will be relearning to love.
This therapy has many advantages over other therapies. For example, we will not look at who is to blame. We also don’t look at who does the most or the least. Any imbalance is certainly discussed, but as a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself..
Another advantage is that you can take big steps not only as a couple, but also as a person. As a result, you can expect to be more confident and solid in life. Which in turn has a positive influence on all your relationships with others.
FAQ
• What about costs and insurance?
The rate is €155 per session of 1 hour and 15 minutes.
I have experienced therapists at the eind of their marriage counseling training. These are significantly more economical. If you are interested, please let me know in the comments field of the contact form.
Unfortunately, marriage counseling is not reimbursed by insurances.
• Can we do a free introduction meeting?
It is extremely important to have a good feeling with your therapist. I invite you to book a first session. If you do not wish to proceed, you do not pay.
• Which couples can go to this practice?
All couples of all orientations and all ages.
• One of us has been unfaithful. Is there anything left to save?
Yes. If either of you has been unfaithful, that is extremely painful. It is also always a sign that something has been wrong, sometimes under the surface. It can be a reason to end the marriage and probably no one will blame you for that.
However, the marriage belongs to the both of you. You can use this as a wake-up call to investigate what everyone’s role has been and more importantly: how you can improve it. Paradoxically, the marriage can even become better and deeper through the therapy.
• We have already decided to part ways. Does marriage counseling still make sense?
That depends on if you have a reason to break up well and especially to get on speaking terms at least. After all, the divorced relationship is also a relationship. Couples therapy can help to keep that precarious relationship liveable.
Even if you notice that your relationships break down every so many times or if you get the same accusations from every partner, understanding that pattern can be a great investment in your future relationships.
About the therapist
Katelijn van Voorst
In addition to my work as a marriage counseler, I am a lawyer. I know better than anyone the situations in which two parties are diametrically opposed. Each with their own truth. Of which they feel that they are fully within their rights. And are trying to prove their point to their partner. I saw a lot of similarities with relationships and relationship problems and decided to delve into this further. I took trainings and developed into a marriage counselor. And rest assured; In marriage counseling, I am nobody’s lawyer and certainly not a judge. I have gained a lot of practical experience in sessions with clients, but also in life. I am divorced, have three children and am now happily married with a partner with three children. In short, I know the challenges that life presents in marriages.
But also the relativity of it. I believe that everything is constantly changing. And that you can give direction to this, when you talk, listen, or sometimes do not say anything.
In other words, pantha rei, everything flows.